


To tell the truth

by flightinflame



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: Still Have Powers, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Disabled Character, Charles Xavier in a Wheelchair, Charles You Slut, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik has Issues, Happy Ending, Honestly Charles What Are You Thinking, Jealous Erik, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Safeword Use, Sub Erik Lehnsherr, Top Charles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 09:54:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21634195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flightinflame/pseuds/flightinflame
Summary: Erik hates going out for drinks, and seeing Charles flirting. He hates the way the other man has an endless stream of people to take home. But if Charles offers the chance to have some fun, he'll take it - it's better than nothing.Charles knows Erik doesn't want him, that their arrangement is just convenient. He still wants to make the most of it.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 15
Kudos: 119
Collections: Secret Mutant Exchange 2019





	To tell the truth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sin_compromiso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sin_compromiso/gifts).



> Betaed by the incredible lourdesdeath

Erik smiled across the table at Charles, who was holding court the way he always did, talking to Angel and Emma, explaining the progress he'd made with his thesis as the others listened and laughed. Charles looked so happy there, and Erik found his heart warming slightly.

It was ridiculous. He didn't even know for sure that he and Charles would end up going back together tonight. Charles was a flirt, and he never had any problem finding someone to go home with. It was almost as though he was trying to disprove every doctor who had told him that after his accident he would struggle to have a physical relationship - Charles ended up hooking up with a different guy or girl almost every night, and he had a great time, and honestly Erik was happy for him.

At times, he regretted it, selfish though that was. He wanted Charles all to himself. But Charles was always flirtatious, and he seemed to be having fun.

He rubbed his forehead. The music was loud, and he had no idea how Charles could stand it.  
 _Are you alright?_ Charles's voice brushing his mind was soft. The two of them had an agreement that Charles wouldn't look into his thoughts, but he could always talk to him if he needed to. It felt like a good compromise, something that didn't deny Charles his ability but let Erik keep the privacy he needed.

 _Just kind of tired,_ Erik admitted, rubbing his forehead. 

_You can go home if you want? Or I can make my excuses and leave if you want that?_ Charles suggested, concern written across his features. 

Erik shook his head.  
 _Getting another drink, you want one?_

Charles nodded, and sent back his order. Wrinkling his nose at the other man's frankly disgusting taste in beer, Erik got to his feet to go and get them both drinks. He made his way back to their table, to find that Angel had moved from her chair to sit on Charles's lap, giggling drunkenly up at him. 

Erik nearly dropped the glass of beer, freezing for a moment at the sight there.

 _She's just drunk, Erik. Don't worry. Thank you for the beer,_ Charles reassured him. He handed the drink over, not looking at him.

 _You don't have to come home with me if you don't want to Erik, I can see you're pretty exhausted. Or you can come home and I'll take care of you?_ Charles sounded so gente, and Erik was tempted to just give in. He trusted Charles to take care of him when he was having a bad day, but he didn't want to block his fun, and it was quite clear that he was having fun.

_Just need to lie down._

_And you're sure you don't want to come to mine? I can make you hot chocolate?_

_I just need some fresh air,_ Erik insisted, turning and walking out of the crowded room towards the smoking area. It was easier. 

He found Logan was already out there, puffing at a cigar.   
"Erik." The man nodded, gesturing for him to take a seat and looking up at him. As the owner of one of the few bars that was both wheelchair accessible, and friendly to mutants, Logan's bar had become their regular Friday evening destination. Finish studying, and go to the bar, as Erik got drunk and Charles alternated between flirting with everyone and discussing the finer points of advanced genetics.

And of course, he looked amazing as he did it.

Erik rubbed his forehead, and Logan snorted.

"Your boy flirting again?" Logan asked, tapping his cigar against the bench. "You look fucking miserable."

"He's not my boy," Erik snapped.

"Sure. But you want him to be, don't you?" Logan asked. "Ever since your group started coming here, I've watched you moping around after him. You're always the one who worries about him. I mean, you care about all your bunch of muties, but-"

Erik shot him a half-hearted glare at that word, and Logan just shrugged.  
"You got a girl in there that's made of diamond, and that teenager with the white hair flooded my bathroom last week because she got upset, you're muties."

"Ororo was upset?"

"Some boy. I gave her some advice, and showed her how to throw a better punch." Logan shrugged. "She seemed a bit better by the end of that, luckily. What she'll do isn't nothing compared to what I'd do if I got my hands on him. And this week, she looks happier. But you're still moping."

"I don't... mope."

"Sure you fucking don't. You've been moping for days, and I get it. You love him, right? And you see him flirting around all the time, and you fuck-"

"What?"

"You stink of him," Logan answered, wrinkling his nose. Erik glared, resisting the urge to start a fight, and reminding himself that Logan's skeleton was covered in metal. "You can tell me you don't fuck if you want, but you stink of each other. And you know, I'm not the kind of guy to judge for that. If you can get off, go for it, you know?" He shook his head. "But you're moping. And I think it's because you're in love with him or something. So now you know, you can get on and screw him senseless or whatever, and fix stuff."

"I..." Erik opened his mouth to argue, angry at the suggestion. Only the knowledge this was the best bar in the city stopped him flipping Logan off of the bench he was sitting on.

"Go on." Logan smirked, and Erik reminded himself that this was Charles's favourite place to relax, and he didn't want to spoil it for him.

"It doesn't matter how I feel. Charles isn't into relationships." Erik shook his head, feeling sick. "I need to... I'm just going to go home, okay?"

"Whatever you want." Logan waved. "See you next week. Hope you two have fixed this by then. I'm fed up of you moping."

Erik turned his back and walked away before he could lash out. 

_Erik?_ Charles sounded concerned as he headed towards the exit. _Are you alright?_

 _Fine. Going home._ Erik knew he was snapping, but he couldn't face a calm discussion about this. He turned and walked away, feeling exhausted. At least it wasn't far to his apartment. 

He'd ended up picking a ground floor one, to make it easier for Charles to visit, so he didn't have to worry about stairs. He unlocked his door with a wave of his hand, and made his way inside, removing his shoes and then going to sit on the sofa. He could hear his phone buzzing, but he didn't want to look.

***

Charles laughed as Angel cuddled up against him, telling him about her work, and hiccuping slightly. She giggled, and then frowned.  
"Aww, Erik looks sad." 

Charles looked up, and saw that she was right. Erik was scowling while holding his beer. Erik had seemed stressed all night. Charles had been hoping that they could head off home together and he could help Erik de-stress, but if he didn't want to he wouldn't push it. At the moment, Erik's scowl seemed to be directed towards Angel.

 _She's just drunk, Erik. Don't worry. Thank you for the beer,_ Charles reassured him as he took the drink. Erik wouldn't look at him. Charles could feel tension swirling at the surface of Erik's thoughts, and longed to dive within them, but held himself back out of respect. Erik had been clear about how he wanted Charles to use his powers, and mind-reading overstepped the boundaries. He cared about Erik too much to go against his wishes.

 _You don't have to come home with me if you don't want to Erik, I can see you're pretty exhausted. Or you can come home and I'll take care of you?_ Charles suggested, deeply concerned. It wouldn't even need to be sexual, if Erik didn't feel in the mood. He knew sometimes his friend liked being held, or just wanted to be told he was doing well. Charles would give him that.

 _Just need to lie down,_ Erik snapped, and Charles took a few slow breaths, reminding himself Erik was hurting, that he could help.

 _And you're sure you don't want to come to mine? I can make you hot chocolate?_ he offered, just wanting to step in and protect him.

 _I just need some fresh air,_ Erik answered, climbing up the stairs to the smoking area. Charles watched him go, feeling a bit sick.

"He's sulking?" Angel asked, rubbing his shoulders. "You look pretty miserable."

"It's..." he began, then shook his head. "It's alright. He's just not feeling well."

Angel shrugged, taking a gulp of his beer and laughing. Charles let her drink it, his mind elsewhere, trying to work out what had caused Erik's sudden change in mood whilst resisting the temptation to dive into the warmth of Erik's mind. Erik didn't want that, and he had to respect his wishes.

Charles carried on talking to her, but he kept his eye on the door to the smoking area, ready to try and catch Erik when he came back, to offer to take him home and take care of him. Whatever was bothering Erik, Charles wanted to solve it.

Erik came back out of the smoking area, and by now the anger and irritation from him was almost visible, an oppressive exhaustion which seemed to stretch out across the room.

 _Erik? Are you alright?_ Charles called, already getting Angel to move off of his lap so that he could approach Erik, offer him the space there instead - he knew that generally Erik wasn't willing to curl up in his lap in public, but he wanted to give it a go. Maybe then he could find out what was bothering him, or at least take his mind off of it.

 _Fine,_ Erik snapped, in a way that made it quite clear that he was not fine in the least. The anger and hurt that was pouring from him was almost like a punch. _Going home._ Erik strode out, not even noticing as Charles wheeled towards him.

Erik couldn't actually make very strong shields, but he was more than capable of projecting a sense of anger fierce enough to make Charles back away. He did that, and Charles complied, breaking off their mental conversation, and instead reaching for his phone. He hesitated. Erik needed some space. 

Reluctantly, Charles decided it would be best to let Erik at least get home, before he sent him a message. That would be good. 

It was just sad, that Erik had left like that, when he could have come back to Charles's and had a good night. Charles felt a little sick at the knowledge Erik had gone home alone, because in his heart he knew that one day Erik would go home with someone else, and all the fun that they had together would come to an end. Because Erik was able to have someone much better than Charles, and Erik had always been clear he didn’t return Charles’s feelings.

Even after the accident, the one time Charles had come close to admitting his feelings, half-high on painkillers and still trying to process the doctors' words, Erik had squeezed his hand, smiled, and said 'I'll always be here for you Charles. You're my best friend. Nothing could ever change that', and Charles's confession died on his tongue. He wouldn't be the person to admit that if Erik didn't want to hear it. Erik deserved better. So he carried on the way he always had, taking care of Erik when he was stressed, offering him some escape when they were alone, and had carried on sleeping around, laughing about how he was proving the doctors wrong.

That was a hell of a lot easier than admitting he cared when it would never be returned.

Charles felt kind of dizzy, but he told himself that was simply a consequence of being around so many drunken minds. There was nothing more to it than that. Simply what was happening because of where he was.

He brought up his phone, and messaged Erik.  
'You get home alright?'

There was no response.

He kept checking his phone throughout the evening, as he poured Angel into a taxi and let Emma call one for him, leaving her to try and separate Azazel and Janos for long enough to remind the teleporter to go home before someone tried to arrest them for indecency. It was only when he was home when he tried messaging again.  
'Sorry you were having a bad evening. I'm free this weekend if you want to pop by?'

There was no reply, so he sighed and headed to bed.

***

Erik woke up early on Saturday morning, planning to go for a run. He stretched, rubbing his head and picking up the glass of water he had left for himself to help combat his hangover. Once he'd downed it, he turned his attention to his phone, sighing when he saw he'd got a message from Charles.

Charles had offered to see him this weekend. He knew what he was after - just some fun. If Erik had anything even an ounce of self-respect, he would have refused. It would be better to spend his weekend alone, licking his wounds, than going to Charles's for something that meant nothing to the other man.   
'Be over around 11, give you time to wake up.'

There was no reply until after he had finished running, showered, and cleaned the kitchen.   
'Can't wait x'

Erik rolled his eyes. Charles was such a flirt, and it wasn't fair. He had no idea what he was doing, how much these messages hurt.  
'Be there soon.' Erik hoped that sounded formal enough, like he wasn't already packing an overnight bag. Of course, Erik thought with a sigh, he wasn't already packing an overnight bag, because he had one ready for in case he went to visit Charles, and Logan was right, the utter bastard. He was moping.

At least he could trust Charles to take his mind off of it. 

He got onto his motorbike, and made the journey over to Charles's apartment, unlocking the garage to leave his vehicle there, tucked safely into its space beside Charles's car, and then went up to the doorbell, knocking and thinking loudly.  
 _I'm here._

The door opened, and Charles smiled to see him.

Charles always smiled when he arrived, and every single time without fail it made his heart twist slightly in his chest, almost as though Charles could see into his soul. It was just such kindness in his eyes, it was almost disorientating.

"Erik," Charles said fondly, wheeling back so that Erik could get in through the door. "It's so good to see you, my friend."

"It's good to see you as well," Erik answered, unable to stop himself from glancing around the room, curious as to if there would be any sign of Angel there. He couldn't see anything, but then Charles always was tidy.

"Your departure from the club last night was a little abrupt," Charles said softly, and he was looking down now. "Did you want to talk about that?"

"No, not particularly," Erik answered, visualising a 'grumpy metal wall' as Charles insisted on calling them. A thick metal barrier, to keep Charles out of his thoughts. It wasn't a particularly fun thing to do, especially when it linked to an implication that he didn't trust Charles - but he could hardly have Charles finding out the truth of how he felt when it was so new to himself.

"Alright." Charles headed into the kitchen. "Do you want some tea? To watch something, or?"

Erik bit his lip. If they watched something, that'd give him a chance to spend hours curled up on the sofa with Charles, listening to him talk and ramble and argue with the documentary's view of genetics. But recently, moments like that had lacked the fun they had once contained because he'd been only too aware of the fact he wanted this. He wanted every evening to be just him and Charles, curled up on the sofa, laughing and arguing and kissing, and it wouldn't work, because Charles always slept around and he was never going to be enough for the other man. 

"Maybe later?"

"Alright," Charles agreed, gesturing towards his lap. 

Erik rolled his eyes. He was far too big to just sit on Charles's lap, but he knew the other man liked him being there, liked undressing him and kissing each inch of freshly exposed skin. 

Even if Erik was too big for it he got onto Charles's lap, straddling him. Charles ran his hand down Erik's spine, making him arch up, moaning softly. Charles leaned in to kiss him, and he tasted good. Right. Part of Erik wanted to just stay there forever

"So tense," Charles murmured. "That's no good at all. Let me take care of you, help you to relax... Is it alright if I..." He gently drummed his fingers against Erik's hair, asking for permission to slip into his mind. Logically it made sense - that way he would be able to tell if something went wrong. He could normally pick it up before Erik himself did.

"Not… Not today?" Erik asked quietly, his voice shaking a little. He hated himself for that nervousness. 

Charles frowned, but nodded.  
"However you want," he promised. "What's your safeword?"

"Red," Erik muttered. It was ridiculous, Charles never did anything violent. But he insisted on checking, every time.

"So good for me," Charles murmured, and pressed a kiss to his lips, before lifting his hand to start undoing Erik's shirt. There was a time in the past when he would have been impatient by now, but he couldn't help just staying still, watching Charles's expression as he unbuttoned the shirt, pressing warm kisses to the skin beneath. It felt amazing, Charles slowly covering him with kisses. 

Eventually he had Erik's shirt off, and he took a moment just to look at him, his eyes scanning over his naked form.

"You look good," Charles said softly, hands tracing the outline of muscles. "You've been eating enough?"

Erik nodded, feeling strangely shy, half hypnotised by Charles's touches.

"You worried me last night-" Charles told him. 

Erik shook his head. He didn't want to talk about that. 

Charles sighed slightly, but allowed the topic to drop.   
"Anything in particular you're after Erik?"

Erik shook his head. He just wanted not to have to think for a little while, and Charles was the one who could do that. After a moment, Charles nodded, and signalled for Erik to get off of his lap.   
"Get undressed, we can go to the bedroom."

"Thank you," Erik murmured, slipping his trousers and then his underwear down over his hips, stepping out of it and spinning slowly, letting Charles look. Charles signalled for him to come closer, so that they could kiss once more, Charles's hands cool against the warmth of his thighs.

"I could never tire of looking at you, my friend," Charles murmured, before rolling back. "Go on."

Erik nodded walking towards the bedroom, aware Charles was following him, feeling the metal of Charles's chair behind him. He paused slightly in the doorway, not sure where Charles would want him in the room.

"Up on the bed for me, on your back," Charles instructed. "Hands against the headboard please. If you could-" He gestured towards the frame of the bed. 

Erik nodded, reaching out to form loops of the metal, holding his arms up and out of Charles's way. Charles clambered onto the bed, sitting beside him, pressing a kiss to his cheek.  
"So good for me." Charles kissed him gently. "Going to just look at you for a while beautiful, and then..." He pressed forwards a mental image of Erik with his hands bound with metal, first pleasing Charles with his mouth, and then riding him. "Does that sound good?"

Erik nodded, rocking his hips slightly, as Charles's hands roamed across his body. It felt good - it always felt good, being with Charles like this. He moaned softly, gazing up at him, wishing this was real, that it meant something. One day, someone would get to be with Charles, and it wouldn't just be as a friend, and his heart ached. But having Charles, even like this, was so much more important than anything else. He could have him like this, and he didn't want to lose it.

***

Charles stared down at Erik. He was beautiful like this, letting down his guard, trusting him. There was definitely something that was bothering Erik, but Charles didn't want to push too far, didn't want to ask when Erik had made it clear he didn't want to discuss it.

Erik probably had no idea how open his mind was at moments like this, how loudly he projected the pleasure he felt, but Charles didn't want to make him self conscious. Not when there was so much beauty to it. The sheer bliss that Erik felt was almost intoxicating.

Charles of course was willing to obey Erik's request that he stayed out of his mind, even though he liked the security it normally brought. But he knew Erik well enough by now that he thought he'd know what he was feeling, even without any kind of telepathy at all. He smiled, allowing himself to enjoy the noises he could tease from the other, before leaning away to pick up the metal pill box containing the drugs he needed for the next part of this.

"So stunning like that Erik," he murmured, before he felt a sudden spike of panic as his hand rested on the box. It took a moment for him to register that the panic was coming from Erik. It made no sense, given the bliss that had been there mere moments before. 

"Erik?" He frowned. "Erik?" 

Erik looked up at him, and there was unfocused fear in his eyes. Charles longed to dive into his mind, to comfort him, but Erik had said not to.

Erik smiled, and it was the kind of fake smile that Charles doubted had ever fooled anyone who wasn't looking for an excuse to push him too far.

"Colour?"

"Green," Erik lied, and there was that unsettled look in his eyes that made Charles feel sick.

"Okay beautiful." Charles took a deep breath, sitting down with his hands resting on Erik's arms, stroking them gently to try and keep calm. "Now, you haven't done anything wrong, but I need to call this, okay? Red..." 

Erik frowned, confusion clear.  
"Charles?"

Charles took a deep breath.  
"Can you undo yourself for me please?" he asked, muttering thanks as the metal moved back to the frame, Erik sitting up and pulling him close. He was shaking slightly, and Erik's hand found his shoulders, rubbing gently.

"Charles?" he asked quietly. "Charles, what's wrong?"

Charles took a couple of deep breaths, trying to work out what to say. He didn't feel right, unsettled himself, almost like he was in freefall. But he should be looking after Erik. He wrapped his arms around him.  
"I'm sorry," he whispered, pressing his face against the solidity of Erik's shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise," Erik murmured, because Erik was always so quick to get angry at himself, at other people, but never angry at Charles, and Charles loved him for it. Deep down, Charles knew he'd allowed this to go on for too long. That he was being selfish, playing games like this when Erik just wanted to get off and he wanted so much more than that.

"I do," Charles whispered. He knew he would lose his best friend. The man who had stayed with him after the accident, who had brought him food and smuggled in sausage rolls even though they weren't kosher and didn't get made in America. The man who trusted him to be gentle, who let him see him when he was weak.

"What for?" Erik asked, and Charles smiled awkwardly, trying to think of how to phrase it without simply admitting he was desperately in love with him, because he really wanted to try and come out of this conversation with at least a faint hint of dignity left for himself. 

"I'm afraid, Erik, I haven't been entirely honest with you about our little liaisons."

***

Erik flinched at those words. He had known it was temporary, had always known that. But to sit here now, and watch as Charles tried to work out a way of phrasing it that wasn't simply disgust, was difficult.

He wished he wasn't totally naked. But Charles was shivering, and he didn't want to leave him alone to go and get a blanket.

"What is it?" he asked. His mind was already catastrophising, imagining that Charles had hated every moment of their time together, that he was going to ask him to leave and not come back.

"I..." Charles looked so nervous, so upset, and Erik hated himself for causing that pain, he hated that idea. He had never wanted to upset someone like that, Charles least of all - Charles meant everything to him.

"I can leave?" he offered, ashamed his voice was shaking.

"No!" Charles looked as though he'd been hit. "Please, just... let me explain, I'm sorry, I..." There was a soft whimper in his voice. "I shouldn't, but... I care about you. And I could feel you panicking, and I couldn't..."

"I.." Erik cleared his throat. "I wasn't panicking about you."

"You were panicking," Charles insisted. "That matters to me."

Erik closed his eyes.   
"You didn't look in my mind?"

"I wouldn't," Charles promised, sighing softly. "Not if you don't want me to. Even though I want to... I want to be able to know what's going on, I want to be able to help you, but I couldn't… I could just feel that panic."

Erik hesitated. Charles looked so upset, he couldn't leave him without an explanation, even if he didn't want to tell him this. He took a slow breath, and then looked up at him.   
"I know this is just fun for you, but... it's so easy to slip into pretending it’s real, you know? That you... actually like me." 

"Of course I like you," Charles said, and it was the truth, because Charles didn't lie, but that didn't make it what he wanted to hear. "You're my best friend Erik, you mean the world to me."

"I..." Erik couldn't hold it up any longer. He could say it, get his clothes, leave, and then never ever look back. Maybe he could move to Australia - he was pretty sure that metal-manipulation powers could get him a visa. "I... I'm in love with you Charles."

"What?" Charles asked, and Erik flinched, because that wasn't the response he'd wanted. It was so sharp, so abrupt - everything Charles wasn't, and Erik hated himself at that moment for making him be like that.

"I'm in love with you." It didn't actually get any easier to say the second time, but at least he'd said it. At least that was done, and he could put that moment of awfulness behind him and start looking into emigration. Maybe he'd like Australia.

"Erik," Charles frowned. "Why are you thinking about kangaroos?"

"Oh." Erik ducked his head, flashing the answer mentally _just considering leaving for Australia so you don't have to worry about me any more._

"What? Oh for goodness sake, Erik." Charles sat up straighter, and reached for his hand. "Please don't flee the country and use me as an excuse. I don't _want_ you to flee the country. I want you to stay here, with me."

"We can... We can carry on with this?" Erik asked, his voice almost shaking from hope.

"Well not right now." Charles said with a nervous laugh. "I think we managed to kill the mood. But maybe we could... could go and sit on the sofa, and watch a film together? And then we can go to bed. And we can talk about this, because the thing is, Erik. I'm in love with you too, I just thought you wouldn't..."

"I wouldn't what?"

"I thought you wouldn't want me," Charles admitted, and Erik could see the pain in his eyes.

"Charles, if I didn't want you, why would I currently be naked in your bed?"

Charles frowned, and Erik laughed slightly, shuffling over and pulling Charles up into his lap, wrapping his arms around him.  
"Can… Can I say it again?" he asked, suddenly a little shy.

"Of course." Charles smiled. "I won't get tired of hearing it."

"I love you," Erik muttered, and Charles nodded, leaning in to kiss him.

 _I love you too,_ Charles promised, not needing to take a break for air. _How long?_

 _Too long,_ Erik admitted. He'd been in love with him for a long time, and no matter how often he'd tried to tell himself it didn't matter, the fact remained that it did, that he loved him more than he could easily say.

 _Me too,_ Charles murmured, finally pulling back to embrace him. "I've got some of your pyjamas in that drawer. We can go and cuddle on the sofa for a bit?"

"Does this mean we can go out on dates?" Erik asked, smirking slightly. "And I won't have to see Angel all over your lap?"

"Absolutely. You know, I was mostly trying to distract myself. I didn't realise that you were getting jealous."

"Of course I was," Erik answered, smirking. "No one is allowed to drunkenly sit on you except me."

"I'll keep that in mind," Charles promised, pulling him in for another kiss. 

The two of them never did make it to the sofa to watch some television. But when Erik woke up the next morning, tangled in Charles's arms, he decided that wasn't really a loss.

In fact, that night was probably the start of the biggest success he would ever have.


End file.
